NOTICE TO ALL [03 Jan 2004|10:50am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Lampwick ] I NOW HAVE A NEW JOURNAL! I WILL NO LONGER BE USING THIS ONE!! New Journal: xojunexobugxo L8er! Truth

Updates Coming Soon [24 Jun 2003|06:25pm] [ mood | working ] [ music | Evanescense ] I'll have to update later or something...right now I have stuff to get done. Maybe I'll stay up tonight to update, I dunno yet. L88erz! ~* Psycho *~ Truth

I Am Bored [19 Jun 2003|08:53am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | MP3s ] The haxor handle of Psycho is "S3cret Her0". What's yours? Enter your name: Truth

Please Go Here! :-) Thanks! [11 Jun 2003|04:53pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Mudvayne ] justicejunkie 106% How compatible with me are YOU? Truth

Just a Quick Little Thought [09 Jun 2003|10:06pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | MP3s ] I'm a little lost right now. 1. I love Matt with all my heart and soul. And he loves me. 2. "Someone" just told me they care about me. You tell me what the hell I should do. Matt = Not here yet, but hopefully will be. (My biggest fear is him not moving here) The "Someone" = Lives here. I've known him for awhile, actually ever since I moved here. He's sweet and adorable. Other Info: Biggest problem is my heart belonged, and still does belong, to Matt, always and forever. Bottom Line: I don't want to fuck up with Matt, not again. He's my life. But I don't want to hurt this "Someone", because I have some attraction to him. And I really really hate hurting people, because I know how it feels. See, I want to get to know this "Someone" some more and stuff. But I love Matt, always have and always will. Bah, here goes nothing. "Someone"-- I care about you as a friend, you're sweet and adorable, but right now, I just want to be friends. My heart belongs to Matt. But seriously, if Matt and I don't work out, I'd like to maybe give me and you a shot. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you, and you know that. L88erz People! ~* Psycho *~ Truth

YAY! Who Wants to Claim Me?! [01 Jun 2003|08:14am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Minerva- Deftones ] 1 Kill|Truth

Wow [09 May 2003|06:07pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Old MP3s ] Ok, so what's happened right? Haha, let's go. I've been doing pretty damn good lately. But if you want a more actual through, detailed update, go to my other journal! For the main things, I'm basically torn between 3 people. 1 I love with all my heart and soul, but he's not here. The other 2 are people at my school. One is an extremly talented artist. The other one plays in the school band but is so hot and is most certainly warming up to me. Other than that things aren't that bad. I just wish I was back in Florida. I miss Jessey and Kelsey. OMGosh, I've been so drained this week. I've been so fucking busy with all school shit, and now I have to worry about my ACT shit this summer. I swear, I'll die if I can't see Jess and Kels this summer...and Matt. I really can't stand school anymore, it's getting to the point where I don't care anymore...and I'm only a Junior. Next year I'm going to be basically dying from all the classes I'm taking...now that I'm going for the Advanced Diploma; yeah that's gonna be a killer. I'm taking German 1 and 2 next year. I really really wish I could be with Jessey right now, I just feel like she needs someone there and it hurts that I want to be there when I know I can't. Er getting all sad and stuff so I don't really think there's much more to say, or maybe it's just I don't really feel like updating this right now. Bah. I think I might go play pool or watch a DVD or something. L88erz. ~* Psycho *~ Truth

Quick Update [12 Apr 2003|06:47pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | Where is Everybody- NIN ] I haven't really updated this in a long time, so I'm getting a chance to now. A LOT has happened...but mainly-->> Me and Aaron broke up. Yeah. Whatever, I don't care anymore. It's like I'm getting told on a daily basis now that I "complain too much"...At this point, I'm about to say fuck everyone and everything, I'll just stay to myself, I'm perfectly happy with that..YEAH RIGHT! Look, if you think I complain too much and you say shit like "look at everything you have" and shit, WAKE UP because MONEY CANNOT BUY HAPPINESS!! With that said, other than that things haven't been too bad. Although I told this kid that I thought he was hot, but I basically got shot down, whatever. I just feel like going back to my Anti-Social ways once again. My cell phone never rings anymore, I hardly get IMs, I almost never have time to myself because my parents always want me to do something; they say I'm lazy when I go to school every damn day. But hey, whatever, I don't care anymore. My grades are slipping because I'm really really to the point where I DON'T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. I try so hard to be friends with everyone while being myself, then when that doesn't work I try to be like "everyone else" and then I get critized. Fuck all of this, I'm outta here. I want to go back to Florida, forever. And for anyone that doesn't like the things I say, FUCK YOU! I'M NOT CHANGING FOR ANYONE! IF I HAVE TO BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I'M BEING MYSELF, THEN SO BE IT. ~* Psycho *~ Truth

FOR JESSEY [30 Mar 2003|11:54am] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | If You're Not the One- Daniel Bedingfield ] Why is my mood disappointed? Because, I'm disappointed in myself...See I'm usually always on top of things, but I guess I've been slacking lately. I've been reading Jessey's journal and it seems like she's been really really needing someone to talk to, and me being so busy with school and whatnot, I haven't had time to really check and read up everything in her journal. So now I feel like shit because I feel that I should have been on top of things, I should have read her journal EVERYDAY to make sure things were ok, but I didn't. :-\ I feel bad... I'm outta here... ~* Psycho *~ Truth

Weekend is Here! [07 Feb 2003|08:20pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Drowning- Crazy Town ] I've been overly happy lately...It's been awesome...All thanks to my Aaron. :-) I'm so happy with him...I've fallen for him...It was so sweet today, we kept kissing on each other and writing notes back and forth. It was so cute. I'm so happy. I love him...and he loves me. It felt so good to hear him say "I love you" today. I get goosebumps every time. When we touch it gives me a warm feeling. If anything is ever on my mind he told me to talk to him about it, we'll get thru it. He's soooo sweet. I went to the mall after school and returned my shirt and got another one. I wish they had mediums though. Oh well. I've talked to Freddy. We sorted things out...everything is cool. :-) I've realized I need to keep myself occupied all the time or else I start thinking too much, which gets paranoia in my head. I know it's a Friday night but I'm kinda tired...I might go to bed or something, I have a headache and no one is really talking. All in all things are great! :-D Someone remind me I have to ask Jessey something...LOL, I think this entry will remind me. L88erz! ~* Psycho *~ 2 Kills|Truth

Just A Little Quote I Remembered [28 Jan 2003|05:43am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | None ] "This place is giving me no choice...It's forcing me to listen to those voices in my head, to rise to evil once again." -- Me Side Note: This doesn't mean anything, just merely a quote I remembered. That is all. ~* Psycho *~ Truth

I Don't Understand [18 Jan 2003|06:46pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Reanimation CD- Linkin Park ] I don't understand Why I don't understand How you could get in trouble For not doing a thing I don't understand Why things are how they are I don't understand How a person could be like that I don't understand The reasoning behind her actions I don't understand Anything about her I don't understand How you could be the way you are with her I don't understand Anything anymore And I don't think I want to anymore ~* Psycho *~ Truth

Hmm, Been Awhile..Again [18 Jan 2003|06:00pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Reanimation CD- Linkin Park ] Well, I've finally gotten some time to myself once again to update this. See now, it sucks for you if you don't have my other journal addy because I update that one ALOT more. :-D So anyways, I'm still with Aaron and very happy. :-) Not much has been happening...just started school up again and stuff. My classes aren't that bad, I met this new kid in my math class. He IMed me on Yahoo and we've talked and stuff. Turns out he lives down the road from me. He's pretty cool, lived in Germany for 13 years...haha, I've thought about asking him if we have something in common. (Those of you that know me well should know what I'm talking about!) I haven't been up to much...just trying to figure out ways to see Aaron since his lovely strict mom doesn't even think he needs a girlfriend right now. Yes, that statement has pissed me off slightly...but not to an extreme, yet. I was with Aaron today...went to the Flea Market. I didn't care, as long as I got to spend time with Aaron. We have a 3 day weekend right now, which is cool. I wanted to go to the mall to go to Hot Topic and get a collar, but I don't know if that's going to happen...wanted to see if Aaron could go, but who knows. I've gotten awesome grades and for the most part don't mind school. For now I have some things to do, well that I just remembered. L88erz! ~* Psycho *~ Truth

Hmmm, Been Awhile [25 Dec 2002|09:10pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Various MP3s ] I know it's been quite a while since I last updated, but there's a lot that's been happening. December 5th I started going out with the greatest guy, Aaron. He's awesome, and we're still together. He's so sweet and caring...I'm lucky I found him, but yet I'm surprised he wanted me, of all people. I haven't been this happy in a long long time so I'm thankful for him. Aaron has helped me a great deal...he's always there for me and never fails to ask if something is wrong. He has said many times that he wants to help me thru my depression and paranoia. We've known each other since last year. We had English together. I actually liked him, just never said anything. I was pretty depressed before we found each other...a few times I wanted to OD, but I didn't, and now I'm seeing what I would have been missing if I did OD. I'm not letting him go...truth be told I think I'm falling in love with him, although I don't want to speak too soon. He had a little bit of a bad habit, but I'm breaking him of it...he's only slipped once, and vows never to do it again, although I do have my doubts. He's hurt that I don't trust him 100%, but if anyone knows me, and knows me well, they know I NEVER trust ANYONE 100%...except my best friends in FL. On other updates, I went for my re-evaluation for my meds. At first the doc wanted to put me in a hospital for my suicidal thoughts, but he said that since I've had a positive reaction to Zoloft in the past, that he'd increase it from 75 ML to 100. And he said that if in 2 weeks I haven't improved that we need to have a plan...which basically means that in 2 weeks if there's not a difference in my suicidual thoughts, he's probably going to put me in a hospital...which I don't want to be in. Christmas was awesome. I got the Paint Shop Pro 7 program that I wanted...and 3 DVDs, some clothes, shoes, basic stuff, money, and stuff like that. All in all it wasn't too bad of a Christmas...I already made a new icon for my messengers...animated of course. I'm thinking about making a new one for my journals and stuff. I'm really really hoping me and Aaron get to hang out soon...I'm going thru Aaron-withdrawls. Not much else has been happening, just getting worried about Jess, but I don't want to get into that...it's Christmas, I don't want to worry. Hopefully I'm going to the doctor soon cuz I'm getting a headache from coughing so damn much...I hate being sick. HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING GOOD!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!! ~* Psycho *~ Truth

Depressed........ [24 Nov 2002|05:42pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Take Me As I Am- Tonic ] My heart is crying Crying for that one person That one person who makes me live Who makes me smile and bright inside This person is the one Looking at the screen with blurry eyes, Knowing he'll never be mine again The one person I loved and Who loved me, for me The only person my heart belongs to I just wish he could say the same... ~ Me Truth

*Sighs* [23 Nov 2002|09:19pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | There Is- Box Car Racer ] Here it is, a Saturday night and as always, I'm here alone, all by myself, while probably everyone else is out. Not a single phone call today...IMs were average...but 2 things strange happened today. First, Matt IMed me last night, so I IMed him back today. Turns out he's in Maryland, and moving to PA. I'm not being selfish, cuz I know most things don't last forever, but some things he told me disappointed me. I still love him, hell, I always will. I know there's a very slim chance he still has any feelings for me. Second, Allen stopped by. I was half asleep cuz I had taken a nap, plus I hadn't showered yet. He had 3 other people in the car. He was dressed like a wigger...just made me dislike him even more. His timing really couldn't have been any worse because I was (still am) feeling so alone, and seeing him just made me realize how alone I am. He sat there and talked about his g/f...basically all he wanted was a fuck buddy. Being alone is making me depressed and being depressed is making me even more depressed knowing my meds aren't working anymore. Happiness is a rare feeling anymore to me. It's getting near x-mas and that's getting me even more depressed because, like I've said, I'm alone. I'm just in that mood to go in my room, close the door, turn some music on and just crawl under my covers and tighten up into a ball. I can feel myself slowly dying from loneliness and the never ending depression... "Do you care if I, don't know what to say? Will you sleep tonight? Will you think of me? Will I shake this off, Pretend it's all ok? That there's someone out there who feels just like me. There is." -- Box Car Racer 'There Is' I wish I could find that someone out there who feels just like me. ~* Psycho *~ Truth

Felt Like Updating This Journal.. [17 Nov 2002|07:57pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | Gone Away- Cold ] I'm not sure how to put things. I wouldn't say things have been good, but they haven't been all that bad either. I guess I'll just have to basically explain this. Last week things weren't too bad...but the things that were bad were the fact that Steph was moving. She's gone now, in Indiana. On top of that, I was talking to Baty and he told me I might as well just forget about Jason, because it was his (Baty's) fault for even mentioning Jason to me. I told Baty that I heard Jason was an asshole anyways. So once I found out that great piece of information, Baty told me that I should talk to Aaron. At this point, hopefully I'll get around to it, but I'm not sure. I'm a little shy. Anyways, I was pretty much happy Friday cuz it was Friday first of all, plus Mrs. Hilscher came back to visit. I was really happy to see her again. 4th period I was really happy cuz I had just seen Mrs. Hilscher. During 4th in the Resource room while taking a test, which I have to finish tomorrow, was when Baty told me about Aaron. Then I guess you could say I was pretty happy over the weekend, but then after dinner, a little bit ago, I saw Scott was on and I checked his profile, which is when I got a little depressed. I know I basically should know and respect that he has a g/f, and I do, but it just kinda gets me down that everyone I see/talk to has a significant other when I'm stuck here alone. I was overall happy this weekend, except for a few mishaps with the family. I tried to put back pockets on my pants I made, but I needed help from my mom and she was tired, so I haven't finished them, but hopefully I'll have them done by Wednesday which is when I want to wear them. Now I'm off to bed, I'm tired and whatnot, as you can see from my mood...Hopefully I'll be able to update this again soon. L88erz! ~* Psycho *~ Truth

Anger to say the Least [09 Nov 2002|04:50pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Downfall- TRUSTcompany ] I hate people that fuck around with me, especially when I don't even fucking know them. I'm an easily ticked off person, which I think many people know, that is, if they know me and know me well. If someone has my screen name they better fucking at least let me know; IM me and tell me "Hey I got your screen name from (insert name or place where)" and I most likely won't mind. But when someone fucks around and has my screen name and doesn't say shit to me, I get pissed...and there better be a damn reason as to why they have it or at least where they got it from, thus I wouldn't be so pissed. That is all I have to say... ~* Psycho *~ Truth

Time to Update...Seriously.. [08 Nov 2002|06:44pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | When I'm Gone- 3 Doors Down ] Well, I guess you could say a lot has been happening, but I'm not sure. For about a straight week, or 2, I've been lonely more than anything. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I'm not the same anymore...that I'd be better off somewhere else. Steph is moving, to Michigan, and she won't be coming back this time...her mom and step-dad got a divorce this time and he's selling their house. I don't know if I should be happy, sad, or what. At this moment I couldn't care less, even though I don't know why. I'm just so sick of being so damn lonely all the time. I thought I was on Zoloft to help me not be depressed, but it seems like the dosage has gotten used to me...time for an increase. Hmm, let's see what else has gone wrong...no one likes me, must be because I'm ugly as shit and everything else. I'm getting mad at the fact that I feel I need to be with someone in order to be happy anymore. I just want to know what's really fucking wrong with me, but it seems no one has an answer for me. All anyone does is keep putting labels on me, and I'm sick of it. I feel like I'm losing it again...that I can't control anything anymore. Half the time I can't even think straight...it's getting worse every damn day. It's like every time I need/want to talk to someone, they're never there. I might as well just talk to myself like I used to. I want to vent thru writing, but that probably won't turn out good...I try and vent thru this journal, but I'm always afraid of the wrong person seeing it or whatnot...my shrink isn't that great either. At this point I don't know what to do. Oh well, I might as well go and waste the night....bye, anyone who cares... ~* Psycho *~ Truth

Long Time.... [04 Nov 2002|05:28pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Always- Saliva ] Where do I start?? I have no clue. I want to go back to Florida so bad...I'm starting to hate it here agian. I feel so alone and empty it's patheic. There's been a lot of shit going thru my head and I just can't sort it all out. I swear I'm going insane again, no lie. My meds aren't helping me anymore...they need to be increased. I think all of this is just from stress...but I seriously don't know where the stress is coming from. Sorry but I'm not in the mood to update.......I'll try again later.. ~* Psycho *~ Truth

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